She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
