3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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