whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
