i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
