I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
