god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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