can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
