very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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