Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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