I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
