It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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