At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
