If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
