Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
