i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
