the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
