I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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