I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
