I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
