she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
