I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
