Where are you?
In a non slutty way
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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