Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
