The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
