I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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