Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
