I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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