he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
