Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
