Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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