who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
