im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
how do you play pong handcuffed?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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