I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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