I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
