today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
