Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i've created a new STD.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
