we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
