your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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