Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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