Swine flu. Run for my life!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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