everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
