I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
