i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
