I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
please come you make the beer taste better
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
