So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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