I think I won the penis lottery.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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