Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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