The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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