Umm I'm too high to move.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
