he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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