Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
