I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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