Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
