You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
