So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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