So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
