my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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