3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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