The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
