you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
