so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
