I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
