Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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