i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
