margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
