Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
