Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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