No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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